Tax Guy Says...

Today I got my taxes done by the famous "shady tax guy." Everyone in the media industry has heard of him. And we are willing to pay an arm and a leg for 15 minutes of his time because we are guaranteed LOTS of money in return.
While I was signing papers I asked him what I can be doing this year to ensure even more money next year.
He said there are 3 things that will score me more money.
1. Buy a house
2. Get married
3. Have a baby

Needless to say, I have a very busy year ahead of me!

The Search is On!

Searching for an apartment in NYC is the absolute worst! It ranks right up there with getting stuck on the subway with a homeless man who has just peed himself, or sharing a park bench with a man dressed as a wizard casting "spells" for 30 minutes.
I have spent countless hours on craigslist, on free websites, and fee websites. It is useless. There has to be an easier way to find an apartment. In any other city, it takes a day to find an apartment under a grand that usually comes with an actual living room (that you can actually live in), a kitchen (that is separate from the bathroom), and if you're lucky you will get a window that has a view of anything other than a brick wall (example: sunlight, grass or a tree).
So why in the city that runs the world is it impossible to find a drywall box to live in?

This weekend I viewed an apartment that was actually attractive. The only downside was it had no closets, and a hallway they called a living room. Blair and I passed on the opportunity hoping like every other New Yorker that we will get lucky and hit the apartment jack pot.
Today on craigslist, I found the EXACT apartment we looked at listed by 3 different brokers. It was listed as:
HUGE 3 bedroom/great closets/GIGANTIC living room. Unheard of deal! Won't last a day, true NY beauty. Call now!

Really?!?!? Because I viewed that apartment 3 days ago...so it does last a day. Further more, this "gigantic" living room and "huge" closets don't even exist!
Do the brokers think when I view the apartment I will forget about the "gigantic" living room and "huge" closets promised? Do they think I will be so excited about finally seeing the "true NY beauty" that I won't care and or won't remember why I actually wanted to view the apartment in the first place?

Another thing that gets my goat, is they don't tell you the real location of the apartment?
Last week I viewed another apartment that claimed it was on 18th and park. I met the broker on 18th and Park, then we walked 5 blocks to 18th and first. If he would have told me the actual location, I wouldn't have wasted our time. I did enjoy our little stroll across town, however now I'm avoiding all calls from the broker because I now know his intentions.

Speaking of locations, brokers should know them! Harlem is NOT the same thing as Upper East Side. And don't post a listing as "Midtown East" if it is in Long Island or Roosevelt Island. Just because LI and RI are east of Manhattan does NOT mean it is Midtown East.

Here is a rental dictionary I have made to help in my search!
Cozy - small
Quiet - you are in the middle of no mans land
Huge, Massive, Giant - average
Best deal - best deal I have seen in an hour
Steps to subway - Brox and walking steps to the subway that will take you to the city
UES (upper east side) - Spanish Harlem
Great building - its still standing
Newly Renovated - new paint

I feel like I'm dating online!
We all know the story: a person posts an overly attractive picture of themselves 10-15 lbs earlier. They conveniently forget to mention they are bipolar, have 3 kids from 3 "relationships" and own 15 cats.

Instead they accentuate the qualities that will sell:
Single female looking for man. I am full of life. I love animals and kids and very knowledgeable in the medical field.

Ummm...really? Because right now you sound like Mother Teressa.

Give it to me straight. I am going to find out with in the first glance that you highly exaggerated the truth. Don't play games, don't waste my time and stop posting pics that says "may not be actual apartment" in tiny letters at the bottom.

I know I'm not going to get a steal in NYC. I am looking for an average apartment at an average price in a decent part of town. Is that too much to ask?

Below is my posting on craigslist.
3bed/1bth will do. Safe part of town, but because of the price I will be close to nothing. I like to walk up several flights of stairs. Apartment will not have the following: a view, elevator, doorman, washer/dryer, or dishwasher. Apartment doesn't have to be clean or big. I just want a bedroom with walls and a kitchen that does not share space with the toilet and shower.

Where Did All These Pretty People Come From?

Have you ever noticed that pretty people only come out when the weather is perfect? Seriously, where are all the pretty people when the weather is miserable with snow and slush? Today was our first perfect day in the city. It was a crisp 50 degrees and clear skies, so I headed straight for the park for a jog. Central Park is always crazy with people on beautiful days. It's full of cute couples walking hand in hand, old ladies feeding ducks, owners walking their dogs, hippies reading, and athletic men and women running and biking. I ignored all these people and heading straight for the Northeast corner for the reservoir.

It rained last night so the running trial was still damp and muddy. I was hoping the mud would deter people from sharing the trail with me. I was wrong. Within minutes I realized I would be weaving in and out of slow walkers and tourist taking pictures the entire run.
Slow walkers I can handle. At least they are moving. But what kills me, are models dressed up and posing for pictures. I understand they want a unique background, but why in the middle of my running trail? I don't see you all winter posing at my treadmill? How bout next time I can't run outside, I'll jog in circles inside your photo studio. And seriously, you're a male model! I would think you would rather be outside running around on a beautiful day instead of staring seductively into a camera lens or laughing out loud to help grab the perfect "I'm so happy since I bought this shirt" shot.
Of course, if I was making the money this male model is probably making, I would gladly kick my running shoes in the closet and make stupid faces all day in front of a camera.
And I'm sure the male model was cursing me when I kicked mud on him while running by. I think it added character to his Armani suit.
I do know we need to share the park. I know nothing can be done to keep all male models off my running trail. I just think its ironic how the beautiful weather brings out the pretty people. I can just picture these pretty people in their pretty high rise apartments all winter sipping Godiva cocoa, afraid to leave the building for fear their pretty skin will go dry. Then the second the weather turns, they invade the streets like a plague. A plague of pretty people. They all pose around the city like manikins all day.
I understand we must co-exist on the same island, and their is nothing I can do about the amount of pretty people in the city. So nothing will change. I will continue to splash mud as I run by, and the male models will continue to be pretty on my running trail.

That's life.
Sometimes its pretty, sometimes its ugly, and sometimes you need to just throw on an Armani suit so at least you feel good!

Here's to you Ms. Pac-Man

Today in New York, we are celebrating the birthday of Ms. Pac-Man. This lovable arcade princess has dedicated her life to saving the world from blue dots, floating fruit/pretzels and 4 ghost named Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Sue.

That's when you know this world is a better place; when a fat women chases a ghost named Pinky all day and still finds time to put on lipstick and a cute red bow.
Keep up the good work Ms. P, all kids from the 80s are cheering for ya!
ps - tell your friends Slinky, Frogger, Simon, Lite Brite, Glow Worm, My Little Pony, J.I.Joe and Transformer we love them too!

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

"My life is better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance" - Garth Brooks

Tonight I walked up to my apartment building hearing screams. A woman in her 70s had her new Land Rover parked in the middle of the street in front of my building. She screamed at her husband loud enough to wake the block. He had taken her keys and left her and her SUV helpless in the middle of the road. She cried and demanded her the keys back.
"Give me my f***ing keys" she screamed. She looked right at me, "call the cops" she ordered.
Instead, I watched the scene unfold.
This elderly couple continued to argue in the lobby, while the wife was sobbing. I never heard the husband speak; he instead held the keys behind him with a greedy grin that read, "I have control, you will listen to me."
I sneaked around the couple and left the mad-house to my doorman who seemed unfazed.

I went to my apartment and opened the window. I have a second floor window that sits perfectly above the building entrance. I recruited my roommate to join me for the show.

"Give me my keys" the woman was still sobbing uncontrollably. The elderly man pushed his wife against the side of the building as she continued to grab for the keys. Back and forth they shoved and hit each other until the doorman took the woman and walked her to her car to let her drive off.

Blair and I sat and stared at the empty street. How did that just happen? These people are actually married??? They are 70... maybe even 80 years old and they are acting like violent children. I couldn't help but wonder: Is it really worth it? What brought them together in the first place and what happened for them to lose what they use to love?

The great country singer, Garth Brooks, says in one of his songs:
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance


Is Brooks right? Are our lives better with pain then to miss the chance to actually love?
Jen Schefft, the author of Better Single than Sorry, doesn't agree with Brooks.
She teaches, we are strong, independent woman. We don't need men to make us happy.
True Jen, that's like saying I don't need chocolate to make my life complete, but it makes me happy. By the way, Jen Schefft is also known as Jen from both The Bachelorette and The Bachelor thanks to ABC reality TV. She has been engaged twice on national TV and yet to be married.....but she is happy!

So whats the verdict? Who is right?
Was Shelby from Steel Magnolia right when she said, "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special?" If I remember right, Shelby didn't have an abusive husband that knocked her around in the lobby of her Manhattan apartment building.

I'm definitely not saying I know the answer. I'm sure each relationship is different.
Tonight, after we witnessed the elderly couple fight in the lobby, I got on the elevator with a young couple. The guy look at his wife and said, "Wow, looks like we don't have much to look forward to in married life."
I hope he is wrong.