The Search is On!

Searching for an apartment in NYC is the absolute worst! It ranks right up there with getting stuck on the subway with a homeless man who has just peed himself, or sharing a park bench with a man dressed as a wizard casting "spells" for 30 minutes.
I have spent countless hours on craigslist, on free websites, and fee websites. It is useless. There has to be an easier way to find an apartment. In any other city, it takes a day to find an apartment under a grand that usually comes with an actual living room (that you can actually live in), a kitchen (that is separate from the bathroom), and if you're lucky you will get a window that has a view of anything other than a brick wall (example: sunlight, grass or a tree).
So why in the city that runs the world is it impossible to find a drywall box to live in?

This weekend I viewed an apartment that was actually attractive. The only downside was it had no closets, and a hallway they called a living room. Blair and I passed on the opportunity hoping like every other New Yorker that we will get lucky and hit the apartment jack pot.
Today on craigslist, I found the EXACT apartment we looked at listed by 3 different brokers. It was listed as:
HUGE 3 bedroom/great closets/GIGANTIC living room. Unheard of deal! Won't last a day, true NY beauty. Call now!

Really?!?!? Because I viewed that apartment 3 days ago...so it does last a day. Further more, this "gigantic" living room and "huge" closets don't even exist!
Do the brokers think when I view the apartment I will forget about the "gigantic" living room and "huge" closets promised? Do they think I will be so excited about finally seeing the "true NY beauty" that I won't care and or won't remember why I actually wanted to view the apartment in the first place?

Another thing that gets my goat, is they don't tell you the real location of the apartment?
Last week I viewed another apartment that claimed it was on 18th and park. I met the broker on 18th and Park, then we walked 5 blocks to 18th and first. If he would have told me the actual location, I wouldn't have wasted our time. I did enjoy our little stroll across town, however now I'm avoiding all calls from the broker because I now know his intentions.

Speaking of locations, brokers should know them! Harlem is NOT the same thing as Upper East Side. And don't post a listing as "Midtown East" if it is in Long Island or Roosevelt Island. Just because LI and RI are east of Manhattan does NOT mean it is Midtown East.

Here is a rental dictionary I have made to help in my search!
Cozy - small
Quiet - you are in the middle of no mans land
Huge, Massive, Giant - average
Best deal - best deal I have seen in an hour
Steps to subway - Brox and walking steps to the subway that will take you to the city
UES (upper east side) - Spanish Harlem
Great building - its still standing
Newly Renovated - new paint

I feel like I'm dating online!
We all know the story: a person posts an overly attractive picture of themselves 10-15 lbs earlier. They conveniently forget to mention they are bipolar, have 3 kids from 3 "relationships" and own 15 cats.

Instead they accentuate the qualities that will sell:
Single female looking for man. I am full of life. I love animals and kids and very knowledgeable in the medical field.

Ummm...really? Because right now you sound like Mother Teressa.

Give it to me straight. I am going to find out with in the first glance that you highly exaggerated the truth. Don't play games, don't waste my time and stop posting pics that says "may not be actual apartment" in tiny letters at the bottom.

I know I'm not going to get a steal in NYC. I am looking for an average apartment at an average price in a decent part of town. Is that too much to ask?

Below is my posting on craigslist.
3bed/1bth will do. Safe part of town, but because of the price I will be close to nothing. I like to walk up several flights of stairs. Apartment will not have the following: a view, elevator, doorman, washer/dryer, or dishwasher. Apartment doesn't have to be clean or big. I just want a bedroom with walls and a kitchen that does not share space with the toilet and shower.